The prime time pussy pump is in effect.
The first time anyone looked at, admired or ate my pussy was when I was 17. It was all at once, at a weekend-long party at my best friend's house, while her parents were out of town. What was supposed to be the best sexual experience of my life turned out to be the worst.
The guy, who was giving it all he had, fumbled and stumbled until I finally faked an orgasm just to get him off my back.
A few years later, I finally discovered what all the fuss was about. I was in an uninteresting relationship when a friend suggested I spice things up with some oral sex.
Not knowing I was in a relationship with an Olympic-level pussy eater, I found out why everyone was so crazy about cunnilingus. Turns out the magic is in what you do with the clit.
And yes, it may be obvious to some people, but it certainly wasn't common knowledge to me or to half the men I dated in my 20s. I didn't even know I could squirt until I was almost 30.
Meanwhile, Mr. Olympia and I broke up and I looked for an alternative. That's when I discovered pussy pumps and my love life hasn't been the same since.
I no longer desperately seek sexual satisfaction from anyone who is available at the party, because the toys I have take care of what most partners can't.
Also, my pussy pumps make it very difficult for a lover with a less-than-gifted tongue to get past the qualification stage.
Thanks to using good pussy pumps for many years now, my encounters are better, my orgasms are more intense, and my ability to sustain myself during orgasmic dry spells has been greatly improved.
I'm not saying that pussy pumps replace the real thing. What I am saying is that the one I used transformed my bedtime routine in such a way that being single no longer has the same flavor.
Unfortunately, the pussy pump that was affectionately nicknamed "Old Faithful" ended up going out of business and I had to go in search of a new pump. That's what we call feeling the disappointment of a date again.
On the bright side, I learned a few things along the way, like: Never use a silicone pussy pump with silicone-based lube unless you want to have a funeral for your sex toy.
This hard-core education I received allowed me to look at a great pussy pump from 14.73 miles away in the rain and eloquently describe the attributes you should look for when shopping. But before we get started, here are the 5 things you need to know before looking for a new pussy pump:
Your skin type
Your skin type will influence many factors, including the type of material your new cat pump should be made of. Some materials can cause allergic reactions and/or irritation to certain skin types.
Likewise, intense or prolonged suction on the clitoris can create bumps, swelling and/or bruising in many. If you don't know your skin type before you start shopping, even the wrong materials will look good.
Your lubricant supply
Did you know that your choice in lubrication directly affects the pussy pumps you can purchase? If you prefer water-based lubricants to oil- or silicone-based lubricants, your chances of getting a great toy that won't cause irritation or allergic reactions are greatly increased.
So, while these other types of lubricants have their merits for some things, they are probably not the best for pussy pumping. Take a look at the type of lube you like and make sure that the toy materials and your skin are both compatible.
Your tolerance level
First of all, you should know that no two pussy pumps are alike. The same can be said of the vagina in general. Your pleasure plateau may be higher or lower than someone else's, and many of today's best pussy pumps produce extremely intense sensations.
Fortunately, you can always buy a device with different settings to try out, which is a good idea if you don't know your body well.
In any case, I suggest you find out what the old girl downstairs can handle before you shell out any money.
Your love life
Not everyone is as bad as me and needs a whole fleet of sex toys to get through the day.
However, owning a pussy pump means thinking about how it might fit into your regular program.
Unlike me, you may only use your pussy pump once in a while when things get rough. That doesn't mean that the routines of your love life won't matter, especially since a good pussy pump is a great addition to any couple's routine.
It's good to know in advance how much money you want to spend. This allows you to determine if you are being overzealous about a purchase and also helps you compare different products based on a relatively large factor.
However, a tight grip on your purse will not help you here. Pussy pumps vary widely in price, but the good ones are usually more expensive and the cheaper models aren't even worth looking at.
Everyone jumped on the pussy pump when they discovered how much women loved them. Now we have enthusiastic manufacturers assembling basic components and calling it a high-end pussy pump, selling worthless products to uninformed but well-intentioned consumers.
The result has been disastrous for the world of pussy pumps.
There are far too many girls who 1) have never heard of a pussy pump 2) mistakenly think they are stupid because of a bad experience or 3) think they know what a good product is because they were convinced by a brand's marketing team. Don't be so naive, girls.
Why use a pussy pump?
A pussy pump, sometimes called a clitoral pump, is one of the best things to be invented since sliced bread. Fun Fact #1: Some women find pussy pumps powerful and intimidating.
So if you're looking at these things and thinking, "I'm not sure I can do this," you're on the right track. At least you understand the fact that pussy pumps don't play.
In my experience, an overly intense orgasm can almost be painful.
On the other hand, they say that masturbation is the key to a long and happy life. Okay, nobody says that but me, but I'm sure it can at least make your bad days less shitty.
One of my favorite quotes from Sigmund Freud is: "The only shame of masturbation Is the shame of not doing it right." I think that pretty much sums up what I'm trying to say here.
A cleverly cultivated pussy pump can generate the kind of orgasms that women like me don't even know existed until our breasts start to sag. There are a few good reasons for this too. Here they are:
REASON NUMBER ONE: Pussy pumps not only suck the user's clit into submission, they also make the entire vaginal area much more sensitive to touch. With the right tactics, you can increase the amount of pleasure your new toy gives you, even when you're not using it.
I like to use mine right before I have sex, to get rid of the first nut and prepare my pussy for the D.
REASON TWO: A well-proportioned pussy pump with the right features can serve as a great crutch during solo masturbation shows for or with your partner.
Many people like to indulge in a bit of self-gratification in front of their lover, which is mutual masturbation that tends to be a hit among voyeurs who enjoy a good view. And while most pussy pumps cover most of the vaginal area, the moans that follow a session can be very sexy to watch.
REASON THREE: If used properly, a sufficiently powerful pussy pump can create a swollen vulva that some people find very attractive.
Don't believe me? There is actually an entire category of porn devoted to vaginas enlarged by pussy pumping. In fact, there are a few times I could have starred in one of these movies myself.
The resulting pussy pumping and swollen vagina is attractive because it highlights all the details of the vulva while making the clitoris more easily accessible, which helps some partners tremendously during sex and foreplay.
REASON FOUR: For some people, the right pussy pump settings and usage habits can make their vagina a little tighter at entry. It works like this: An inflated vulva makes the circumference of the orifice (or entrance) narrower.
Just as a swollen esophagus makes it difficult to swallow food, a swollen vagina will make it difficult to swallow a cock. The temporary increase in tightness can help some lovers achieve a better orgasm, not to mention make the woman feel sexier and more desirable.
REASON FIVE: Pussy pumps are a great tool for safe and exciting BDSM play. A good pump attached to the right pussy can do your job without hurting you.
Whether you're the carrier or it's your partner's turn, there's nothing like having the power to cause pain and pleasure or to make your lover feel vulnerable, ruled or embarrassed.
With a device that has many user-friendly features, you can control the situation from start to finish, with or without your partner's permission.
However, owning a pussy pump is not just about understanding why they are so great. You also need to know how to care for them. Because the vagina is such a delicate organ, it is of the utmost importance to properly maintain sex toys.
So, if you don't know how to take care of your new unit, do your homework or be prepared for a terrible outcome. Before you spend money on a new pump, make sure you've invested in the following:
- A good lubricant compatible with your skin type.
- A hypoallergenic toy cleaning solution that works with many different materials.
- A storage container or pouch, preferably waterproof or water-resistant.
- A set of spare sheets for your bed
You may think I'm joking about the sheets, but I'm not. Pussy pumps are designed to stimulate the clitoris using an intense sucking action and that's exactly what it takes to get most women squirting.
So, if you use these devices as intended, you will need to change the sheets after each session.
Or, you can do what I do and keep a tarp under your bed. Just kidding, I don't keep a tarp under the bed. I never take it off.
The 6 best ways to know if pussy pumping is worth it or not.
You're probably wondering why I became such a pervert who spends so much time playing with toys in bed. Well, it all started when I received my first dildo as a gift for a friend's bachelorette party.
Laughing like an innocent schoolgirl, I knew then what I would do when everyone went home.
That night my love affair with all things private and kinky began and I've been searching for the best sex toys ever since.
My obsession has taken me to some of the strangest and darkest places on earth, but it has also taken me to the heights of pleasure. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly, and this is what I've brought back.
Below are the top 6 things you should look at or consider when buying your first (or next) pussy pump:
The size of the cup
Pussy pumps are made with a specialized suction cup that attaches to your vagina. It sucks on your clit until you remove it and its power can usually be adjusted by pressing a button.
However, the size and shape of these cups can vary considerably from one model to another, even if they are made by the same company. Check the size of the cups to make sure they fit your body.
Otherwise, the cat pump you put in your basket will be little more than an inverted oxygen tank with no benefit.
The suction power
Speaking of power settings, make sure you know how much juice the pussy pump works with. Some are designed to be extremely powerful, while others are more for beginners.
Choose the wrong one and you'll regret it. Choose the right one and you'll feel sexy.
For a foolproof approach to choosing a good pump, look for one that offers a wide variety of power settings so you can climb or descend the ladder at your own pace.
You will find that most of today's pussy pumps require manual pumping to cause suction.
However, some can be equipped with a manual pumping mechanism, but these options are not nearly as customizable as a manual pump.
Think about which one you like best and choose it, but remember:
Manual pumps don't break down as easily as automatic pump components, but automatic pumps can be much more powerful and give you a hands-free experience.
The parameters of the function
Modern pumps come with a lot of different settings to explore. Know what you're looking for ahead of time so you don't get caught up in a marketing gimmick.
Basically, all you need is a pump with high suction power.
However, vibrating patterns and pulsing never hurt anyone. Depending on what you want and need, there is probably a pussy pump for you.
But don't forget the value of practicality (although practicality rarely gets you off).
If all else fails, go for a high-tech pump with lots of bells and whistles, then use the ones you like best. After all, it's better to have too many than not enough.
Not all pussy pumps have the same features and are made of the same materials. Keep in mind that silicone toys work best with all skin types, but can only be used with a water-based lubricant.
On the other hand, polycarbonate, TPE and latex-based toys can be used with oil-based and/or oil lubricants.
As I said, base your decision on your skin type and any allergies you may have. There's no point in buying a good sex toy if the lube you have to use with it gives you hives.
Last but not least, don't forget to look at the various features designed for user comfort. A good pussy pump should have things like sturdy, adjustable straps, a cushioned lining that increases the device's waterproofing, and an ergonomic shape that fits your legs perfectly.
If it doesn't have any of those things but still has all the other features you're looking for, so what? Either way, you won't like using it long enough to enjoy all those wonderful features. Do you see where I'm going with this?
My Top 10 Best Pussy Pumps for 2021:
In a world that is filled with sex toys that all claim to give you the best orgasm of your life, there is only one way to find the right device for you. There is no need for marketing ploys and there are no specific number of features.
If you use this buying guide and follow all the steps I've outlined, there are no hidden tricks that will convince you.
In the meantime, take a look at these three pussycat pumps which, in my opinion, are the cream of the crop:
The vibrating silicone pussy pump with ticklers - Best vagina pump in the world
This powerful pussy pump is the mother of all multitaskers. Not sure what you'll feel best about masturbating with any of these things? The VSP has enough options to get you on the ticket in no time.
It's a vibrator, a pussy pump and a clit tickler all in one.
Ergonomically shaped to fit the curves of your body, this skin-safe silicone sex toy uses a single-speed vibrator to prime the pussy, suction to make it sensitive, and tickling to finish the job.
Powered by a customizable hand pump, this 24.5-inch long device comes with a 17.5-inch long hose for improved movement and safety.
PRO: The palm-sized bulb has a quick-release valve and the entire unit is submersible in water.
CON: The vibration functions require an AA battery which is not included. I learned this the hard way.
THE BEST FOR CLITORISTS: The Crystal Clear clitoral and nipple pump set.
In general, clit pumps are much smaller than your standard pussy pump, but the effects are still the same. Focusing solely on the clitoris, the Crystal Clear measures about 1 inch in diameter and can titillate and enlarge the clitoris in a matter of minutes.
It features a pair of clear chambers that can also be used to stimulate the nipples. And the narrow 2-foot tubing is a tip of the hat to versatility.
The vacuum can be increased gradually with the help of the handy hand pump and, of course, there is a quick-release valve.
This bad girl, however, is made of PVC (not silicone), so keep that in mind.
PRO: It really hit the spot where sucking and increased stimulation are most important, and it can be used on many other parts of the body (not just nipples, hint hint).
CON: The hand pump is not very impressive and the quick release valve is located at the top of the chamber, oddly enough.
Doc Johnson Vaginal Pump
THE BEST FOR BEGINNERS
The Doc Johnson Pink Pussy Pump is what beginners use to learn how pussy pumps work. Its thick, airtight suction cup is the perfect shape for the average woman's body, and its long hose with a quick-release valve makes it convenient, safe and easy to use.
This pump is especially good for beginners because it is not as intense as others. Plus, the DJP is relatively light, compact and attractive (because beginners always worry about that sort of thing).
It doesn't do anything fancy, like vibrate or tickle the vaginal area, which is one of its main qualities, as it allows the user to get familiar with pussy pumps before venturing into the Nude Fantasyland.
PRO: It features a kink-free hose to make the beginner's experience as smooth as possible.
CON: Some of its rudimentary features may not be sufficient for more experienced users.
Where can I find the best vaginal pumps on the Internet?
LOVEHONEY - Our store of sex toys the most recommended online store that offers the best prices and the fastest and most discreet delivery on the Internet.
The end of the game
The overall goal of using a pussy pump is to enjoy the many wonderful side effects it provides, not to reflect on its many features (or lack thereof).
In fact, the vacuum is supposed to make the labial and clitoral tissues swell, which promotes better blood circulation in this area and makes the skin much more sensitive to touch.
No matter how amazing a product looks, nothing will be perfect.
But there is certainly a pussy pump that will suit your not-so-voluptuous vajeen perfectly.
What matters most is that the product you ultimately purchase has the features and functionality you need to ensure that you and/or your partner have a satisfying sexual experience (hopefully more than once).
If you need a vibrating, tickling, textured pussy pump with a 2-foot anti-bending hose and a palm-sized hand pump with a convenient quick-release valve, then so be it.
It's between your legs, I mean, between you and your pussy. Don't let too much curiosity kill your cat.
Tiffany. I'm Tiffany. I'm glad you're here with me on this crazy journey.
Since this is a sex blog, most of the content is about the men (and women) in my life. I've broken down my life over the past five years into small "chapters" to help you catch up on the story and characters involved.